So almost every day (when I’m not feeling lazy or when it’s
not terribly hot outside), I ride my bike to work. My bike is orange with pink
and white polka dots and is pretty much the cutest thing ever, and I feel super
adorable riding on it. Well, you know, minus the whole huffing and puffing and
sweating part. That part’s not so great.
I wear my work clothes when I ride (because I don’t want my
clothes to wrinkle… proper biking attire is definitely not worth wrinkled work clothes), and I wear skirts and dresses a
lot. So to prevent any awkward flashing moments as I ride, I throw on yoga
capris underneath… I pretty much look like I don’t know how to dress myself,
but it works.
Note: I will still
wear a black cardigan when I ride even when it’s 95 degrees out, because I don’t
want my bra straps exposed… so basically, I worry about what my shoulders look
like, but not at all about the hot mess going on with my skirt and yoga pants.
I make no sense.
Okay, quick side story… it totally has to do with the
overall story, so bear with me. A few months ago, a sign mysteriously appeared
on the back of the bathroom door at work. It says, “Now wash your hands.” It’s
totally weird, and it took us awhile to figure out why it was put there.
Apparently, a woman whose office is close to the bathroom pays attention to who
washes their hands and who doesn’t (which is weird, but whatevs), and noticed
that someone in the building wasn’t washing her hands. So she decided a sign
was an appropriate reminder. Instead, it’s just odd and doesn’t entirely make
sense and just makes everyone feel uncomfortable.
Anyway, now,
because of that sign, I’m a teensy bit paranoid… Am I washing my hands long enough? Is she listening? Was that long
enough or should I run the water for a little longer? I grabbed more than one
paper towel… is someone going to know? I’m sure you understand.
Okay, these two stories are about to combine. So when I
leave work at the end of the day to bike home, if I’m wearing a skirt or dress,
I go into the bathroom and into a stall to put on my pants. Since it takes all
of about 10 seconds, I usually just throw them on and then walk right out of
the bathroom. Not using the toilet, not washing my hands.
Well, today I went and put my pants on under my flowy dress,
and as I was walking out of the stall, another woman walked into the bathroom. Naturally,
me being me, I panicked. And even though I didn’t use the bathroom, I had a full on internal debate about whether or
not to wash my hands.
If I just walk out, is
she going to think I’m gross and didn’t wash my hands? Did she even hear that
the toilet didn’t flush? Does she see my ridiculous pants and know that it’s my
biking outfit? Or does she just think I’m a weird dresser? A weird dresser who
doesn’t wash her hands! ARGHHHHHH!!!!
So I did what anyone like me would do. I went to the sink
and ran the water and kind of washed just my fingertips. Why my fingertips? I
have no idea. Social anxiety makes me do ridiculous things.
Then, as I walked out of the bathroom, I freaked out again when I realized that I only ran
the water for like, 5 seconds, which clearly isn’t an ample amount of time for
hand washing.
It’s official. I’m too awkward for my own good.
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